HELLO! My proverbial penis is now hard. Damn you MTV for showing a sneak peek of this new movie that I never even heard of called “Magic Mike”. All I really needed to know was that there were half naked hotties running around which was well enough to peak my filthy curiosity. While my brain decisively relocated temporarily into the gutter this spurred me into action, wanting a few more tidbits on this strapping fellow named Mike… Excuse me, Magic Mike that is.
After doing a lil online investigating I find out this flick is actually based on a true story. True being that the main character good ol’ Magic Mike himself in real life was in fact the ever so handsome, Channing Tatum and his own experiences as a young buck stripper in Tampa back in the late 1990s. His stage name… Chan Crawford. Not the best name I would have picked for a budding banana slinger but hey we all make our mistakes. Ahhh strippers… This sure brings me back to the earlier days and just the beginning of pillaging the strip clubs in Denver almost every other weekend with my fake id in tow, not only to watch the glorious male reviews but then to skip on over to the ladies side once the guys jock jostling started to get a lil dull. All the while knocking back a few cocktails and hitting the dance floor with my girls in 6” spikes like my name was Candy Cane.
Anyways, enough about all that and let us get back to the titillating synopsis of this flick, shall we. Of course the next obvious question which I know has been on more than one gal or gay guy’s mind is… Are we gonna get the full monty experience? I sure as hell hope so! How much longer must we be forced to wait to see full male frontal on the big screen longer than 3 seconds, I mean it’s preposterous; if there ever was a time for 3-D it's now! Don’t get me wrong this could quite well be one of the worst films ever made but let’s get real, I’m only in it for the sex, isn’t everyone else? Hell, maybe this experience will be magical for everyone. Maybe he’ll pull a rabbit out his @*#! Maybe as a thanks for cumming to the theatre we’ll all get swag bags filled with festive party favors, a few portable packs of Astroglide and a Trojan Twister. Maybe even some flavored body paint at the concession stand to go along with my flask of vodka; Yummy!
So get out those ones cause I think we’ve all been debriefed and in enough suspense to send many of us to the theatres on June 29th to go see Magic Mike and don’t ya know I’ll be right alongside the rest of you silly fucks with my vibrating bells on… Now that’s magic!
© 06/08/12 Renee Lopez
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