So first and foremost, I would like to take a moment to wish you all a very belated Happy New Year and hope 2023 is at best healthy, happy and successful for you all and at it’s worst, nothing you cannot handle or overcome!
Time for of us to kick some ass and take some names in 2023, shall we?
Seeing as it’s been a while since I’ve dropped a new gem here, (even as I meant to do so much sooner) with the thought in mind of another year unfolding upon us, sadly aging sometimes not so gracefully and that of our ailing organs is highlighted and on display much to our dismay.
On a recent visit to the eye doctor for an annual wellness check, I started not only pondering some oddities but also, concocting my first article of the new year to boot.
Even through my hazy vision, I couldn’t help but mull over something that has always seemed so simplistic yet has always boggled me at every single one of these damn visits. What you might ask has ruffled my orbital feathers? The standard eye exam, that’s what!
You know what I’m talking about. After you get blasted in each eye with a puff of air much like a mechanical queef to test your potential for Glaucoma, you are then seated in the office getting ready to have your detailed exam with the doc. But before that fun trip down dilation lane occurs, usually a nurse or tech kicks things off by giving you a basic vision exam by having you cover one eye, reading some alphabet lines then doing the same thing while covering the other eye. We’ve all been well versed on the procedure considering we’ve been performing this circus act since we were kids. Remember physicals in the nurse’s office at school or was that just my old fart generation?... Anyways, carrying on.
So as the nurse is asking you to read the lines one by one and then moving onto the next, here’s what I do not understand nor will I ever. They ask you to REPEAT reading the same damn alphabet lines as before with your other eye. Same letters, same rows, same sequence. Now I am sure there are some dippy dumbfucks out there that couldn’t swing this oh so difficult task but I’d gather for most of us with any decent type of short-term memory, attention span and non-medical memory issues, many of us could easily manage repeating back the short lines, but not from reading them, hell, we are speaking from memory alone! Amazingly enough, I was able to master this challenge, even with my early onset dementia that I seem to be having more of every year. So therefore, how can one accurately determine that my left eye is actually anywhere as visually unchallenged as the right when I am doing this from memory alone and not from actual sight reading. How difficult would it be to change the letters and get a fresh set of alphabet soup for round 2? Really Optometry, Ophthalmology, it cannot be this difficult.
So, I sit, annually, every damn year really wondering… Can I really see.
Is my vision really 20/20 or is it just as bad as the year was itself.
I have vowed as my only post new year’s resolution to get the truth once and for all and make someone else wrack their brains over this besides me. If none of you can help assist with this query, then stay tuned, cause approximately 9 months from now I will be sure to ask the hard questions once and for all and try to resolve the whys as to why the hell they don’t jumble the shit up and make this exam legit from start to finish.
Do you know the whys behind Y?
Is this scrabble, kindergarten or Wheel of Fortune? I’d like a vowel please.
© 03/18/23 Renee Lopez
Comments