Friday 7/26:
What a fuckin day of insanity!! Im trying to prepare for the arrival of some family from CO which trust me is stress enough. I had maintainence/plumbers here today replacing new fixtures etc which I was happy to have done but no no no, something has to go wrong. Besides getting no sleep cause of all the nonsense, the water pressure is now all fucked up, new rug ruined, nothing that had to get done today got done, etc but I guess the funny at the end of the tunnel was listening to one of the maintainence guys alone in my downstairs bathroom cursing and yelling at the wall calling it a 'butt licker' (ill admit that shit was funny), a 'bitch', and then when he apparently finally got something done right, 'Yeaaa babbbby'.
UNREAL.
Saturday/Sunday 7/27-7/28:
I spoke to soon apparently, cause in comparison to Friday, Saturday night into early Sunday morning was hell on wheels, or piss water in this case. This weekend had been a lil stressful with the fam in tow but not too bad nonetheless; by now everyone was asleep except myself being the nocturnal one in the bunch. Then everything hit the floor... At about 1:30 am and a half hour after one of my family members went and used the upstairs bathroom, I went in to use the facilities. When I popped open the lid I noticed it didnt flush all the way and the water was a lil high which seemed odd. Instead of taking any chances I decided to plunge that fucker to be on the safe side. After a few good thrusts nothing was happening (normally would have cleared the issue right away) and I was beginning to think maybe nothing was wrong after all and it was just a fluke. Hahaha yeaaaa riiiiiggghhht. Before I plopped my (fantastic) ass down I figured let me do a test flush, what happened next? You guessed it, fuckin Niagra Falls!! It was actually more like that damn Volcano movie with Tommy Lee Jones, Ann Heche and some other d-list actors... Anyways, so here I was, lava, I mean pee water and all spewing out of the porcelin god and flooding my entire bathroom. Within seconds I was deep in a pee pond. In a panic I start the usual scream alert to wake up the whole damn house, yelling for help and paper towels which I knew wouldnt possibly make a dent in all this water. Who the hell am I supposed to call at 1am the Ghostbusters!? The culpirt of course was no help whatsoever; she fled the scene on foot to smoke a cigarette and go back to dreamland while I was sopping up a fuckin nightmare. Then the light bulb goes off. Maybe this would prove to be fateful, then again maybe not, but still there was a reason. I had bought a carpet cleaning vacuum a few weeks prior that clearly sops up water, but this was way too much sewage for this puppy to handle but all I could do was give it a go and hope to god I didn't break this sucking beast in the process. Alas! A tiny miracle ensued when the vacuum indeed prevaled sucking up most of the water making enough of a dent for me to sponge up the rest and then spend another glorious 2 hours cleaning my entire bathroom, drenched rugs and all with NO HELP. I now felt like I was in that movie Madhouse, remember? Early 90's movie with Kirstie Alley, John Larroquette and the houseguests from hell!?
Well, I made up my mind after that lil fiasco. No one, no way, no how, is getting off that easy next time! You break it, you buy the whole shitty mess that comes with it capiche? That is all.
© 08/09/13 Renee Lopez
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