So, no, this is not my typical rant about the usual stupidity of people, their lack of common sense and such, but more an in depth look at a few other issues surrounding this topic. I swear I could write a novel, maybe I should. Here we go…
I've been questioning a lot of things again as of late, mainly self worth, lack of self esteem, decreased maturity levels, love, happiness, codependency, etc. Why do people choose to settle on things and people rather then doing what's right or more so, what's better. I had someone whom I care deeply for, re-enter my life recently for another dramatic go around, (and also do to my own life's questions), it really made me start thinking. Some would question this person's, this man's behavior/motives as immature, cruel, cold, selfish, vindictive, etc. But I think there is more to it than this. I believe the first issues at hand are credible amounts of low self worth and low self esteem, enough to where stupidity has no brakes… Comments are made, thinking thoughtfully of other people and their feelings go right out the door and more or less, allowing one's self to continue to make stupid decisions and finding a way, any way, to justify what's just plain wrong. For example… An unhealthy, doomed, juvenile, emotionally, mentally abusive relationship with another, actually no, a child like girl who claims to be an adult, that is in fact immature, naïve, possibly drug ridden, void, and so on…WHY? Well let's fathom this… Because just maybe this man's self worth is so low, he no longer believes he deserves better nor can get anything better in his life, he feels people will just shun him, believing already himself, his worst critic that he is supposedly a failure and a joke, so what feeds his misery even more is the inevitable misery loves company theory.. The fact that being with a woman as low in standard as his feelings are about himself, almost justify a sick security and comfort. While caring for and loving someone with all that you have is not wrong, walking away from an unhealthy relationship that is doomed and that is making you miserable, is a smart decision, but throwing away things that could lead to new beginnings, a healthy and positive start to the next phase in life, is just plain stupid. You never know what you may miss out on the possibility of many more amazing things all because you want to live in a shattered past, too fearful to take steps forward in the right direction. Why search for better things when you truly believe you do not deserve them nor are capable of achieving them. It's sad, almost like a sickness. In this life we start to realize certain things, like absolutely nothing in this life is worth anything without taking risks. We are all guilty of having flaws, making mistakes, all in pursuit of living this life we are given the very best we can. But why so many of us constantly continue to punish ourselves and continue to make the wrong choices over and over again like we didn't already have enough life lessons dealing with certain things, when will we learn?. One friend, said something well the other day that stuck in my mind, he said…'We all come into this world, naked and alone, and this is how we will leave', so why are we so amped on placing all our energies into other people, what they think, their standards, dramas, conform for the sake of others and not being true to ourselves, etc when we should be first focusing on is ourselves to in turn better help those we feel are in need. Our loved ones', friends, family, etc. We can't do for anyone else until we can do for ourselves.
Maybe it should be a priority that is, loving and giving a damn first about number one, YOU… But also first having a brain, and the common sense, to make the right decisions. You have so many paths to choose in this life and the decisions you make can lead you the right way or far astray, but haven't some us learned enough to know right from wrong, smart from stupid, truth from lies? Is fear really that crippling that we are willing to settle and sacrifice our own true happiness and soul, just to be. Some of us instead would rather allow ourselves to dwell in constant misery and feel sorry ourselves, be the victim... But when things go terribly wrong, why choose to live in hell because of it.. Maybe its time to stop the insanity. To finally end on all this…
Only you can make your own choices, choose to live your life in denial, pain, guilt, regret and so forth or you could choose to live for you, live this life as best you can, with what you are given. Because you want to and you want to truly be content. You can choose to have things or people in your life that complete you in a healthy manner and you don't have to allow those in whom are negative that want to tear you down and destroy you. I know from all my personal tales and journey's so far in this life what this all means, and I'm still learning how to bring it all together and make it right, but I do know this, all the struggles, all the stress, the good/bad decisions, all the tears I've ever cried just burned and maybe even scarred my face ever so slightly, but beauty and so much more is only skin deep, but never would I trade the pain I've felt in life for not taking the risk to have so much more.
Everyone deserves the best so why not get it.
~Best Wishes.
© Renee M. Lopez 02/02/08
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